Should You Have A Running Away Fund?
August 13th, 2010 Filed under: Personal Finance — Finance Author
Even though the days when a bank manager would insist on talking to the husband about his wife’s money situation are long gone, money is still used as a weapon in many relationships. For some people having their own ‘secret stash’ can mean the difference between freedom and slavery. For others, it’s just a useful ‘rainy day fund’ for emergencies. In all cases there is a certain psychological security in knowing that if things get tough, you’ve got a financial fallback to help you get through.
If both partners are earning then it is easier for them both to stay independent. But when children are involved and the mother or father stays at home to look after them the power in the relationship can shift. The one bringing home the money often starts calling the shots. If the relationship fails, the non-earning partner – usually the woman – can be left in a very difficult situation.
Janet, 48, says she was burnt by trusting her husband too much before he went off with another woman. “My ex set up an ISA and withdrew the money so I couldn’t get it,” she says. “He also took all the money out of our two joint bank accounts. He even took the money out of an internet building society account which was in my name because he knew the password. He took the money and ran off with a younger woman. I’m back on my feet now but I would never get myself into that kind of situation again.”
Of course, a lot of women (and men too) have ‘secret’ accounts in case of emergencies, relationship breakdowns or as a ‘just in case’ safety net. Others like to have a rainy day fund if their partner is a bit free with money and is liable to blow great wads down the pub or on shopping.
Kate, 38, says that she is putting away enough money to cover her expenses for twelve months in case something goes badly wrong in her life. “Although I’m married and everything is shared 50/50 I don’t feel that I should solely lean on my husband and expect him to carry me in an emergency – even though he would,” she says. “I think I should pull my weight if we hit a big problem somewhere and that’s really why I have the money stored away.”
In a good relationship both partners know about the other’s ‘secret’ fund, although they might not know how much is in it. If you find yourself putting more and more money away that your partner knows nothing about, though, it’s a big warning sign that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship.
Jasmine Birtles is the founder of the money-making and money-saving website http://www.moneymagpie.com. Jasmine earns her living as a finance journalist, expert, TV presenter and is author of 38 books including the latest, “Beat the Banks!” Sign up for MoneyMagpie’s weekly newsletter http://www.moneymagpie.com and get free money making tips, money saving guides and exclusive offers and discounts.
